The Musings of a Midwesterner Gone South

My feelings about the Superbowl are nonsensical. I'm glad the Saints won... although I really didn't care who won. But Peyton Manning already has a Superbowl ring, and Drew Brees doesn't. I rooted for the Saints because I love New Orleans... but then again, I have nothing against Indianapolis either. And truly, the moment my Packers lost their playoff game was the moment the season officially ended for me.

I also found myself getting annoyed at the Superbowl party I attended because the crowd tended to get loud when the commercials started... and that's the main reason I was there, to watch the commercials. My favorite was the one with the dog collar... and the one with Betty White and Abe Vigoda (who I really thought was dead... but I guess he's still around).

You can't deny that the Superbowl is an all american tradition. Heavily geared towards straight men, but still... I have to admit that I had a good time watching it.

Maybe it's my age, or maybe it's my attention span, but I think I can safely say that watching American Idol no longer interests me. These days I find myself fast-forwarding not only through the commercials, but half of the show as well. Maybe our little Stevie is growing up! Now if only I could turn off the "Golden Girls" reruns...

While I'm in a pretty good mood, I do have a few things to bitch about...

1. ABC Television. ABC has canceled "Ugly Betty", one of my all time favorite shows. Heaven forbid that ABC should have given the show a time slot that wasn't a moving target. You can usually tell when the kiss of death is about to be given to a show when they bounce it around from time slot to time slot... but I really thought that once they moved Betty to Wednesday, there was hope. Now suddenly the writers will have to wrap up not only this season, but the entire series in a few short months. RIP to the best written show on TV.

2. The folks at Linksys. When my wireless router died last weekend I decided to call Linksys to troubleshoot the problem. But, since my router was a year and a half old, it was out of warranty... and to talk to a service person would cost me 29.99$. Yes, 29.99$ to have them troubleshoot THEIR product which should have worked in the first place. AND they had the gall to tell me that there were no guarantees with the call... meaning that even if the router were broken (which it was) I would not get my money back if they couldn't help me. I responded in the best way a consumer can... by going out and buying a new router from Netgear. I'll be damned if I give Linksys any more of my business.

3. The Media. When President Obama declared, in his State of the Union Address last week that one of his goals was to end "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", which I applaud him for... suddenly the media is using religious right wing nut jobs as experts for the opposing points of view. When will the media learn that these people, who advocate Christianity (just nothing that Jesus actually stood for) are simply homophobic idiots and stop listening to them!

Ok... climbing off the soapbox now

A week ago, I gave David a 40th birthday party. And because I'm no cook, I had it catered through Panda Express. I expected about 20 people, so I ordered the party for 32. You know how portions are...if you could read the fine print on the back of a single m&m it probably says "serves two". I wanted to make sure we had enough. And trust me, if I'm cautious about this, David is neurotic about it. We had my dad and stepmother over for Thanksgiving last year and had enough food to completely wipe out world hunger. We literally ate turkey for weeks.

Of course, when the party happened... 20 people didn't come... about 15 did. And that 15 didn't eat the man sized portions I had hoped for. So after the party, our refrigerator was FILLED with leftover chinese food. I had also bought 10 big bottles of wine for this party and uncorked 4. At party's end, there were 3 1/2 bottles open and 6 unopened. Am I the only lush in this crowd?

So, for the last week, we've been eating chinese. Since I was home, I've been having it for lunch AND dinner. And, because somehow my mind was thinking that open bottles of wine would go bad, I've been having two glasses of wine every night. This is all taking a very chinese-like effect on me, as I'm starting to resemble Buddha, and that ain't good.

As of last night, the only thing left from the party is a bunch of fried rice (I think it's replicating in our refrigerator...the level never seems to go down), a few breaded shrimp, and about 2 veggie egg rolls. The rest has passed through our colons.

Let the diet begin!

A few weeks ago, Entertainment Weekly put out their list of 25 movies that you need to see before Oscar Night. I just rented and watched number 3, "The Hurt Locker". Now I need to see "Precious", but it isn't playing anywhere in Orlando. Of course their list is all based on speculation about what will get nominations and I'm pretty gullible. They could put on that list "watch a two hour video of Jodie Foster with the stomach flu" and I'd be out trying to rent it.

I'm not sure why I always get giddy about these awards. My friend Steven and I watched the Golden Globes last weekend and did our "not very masculine" squealing and clapping whenever one of our favorites would win.

When I was a kid, it was all about watching Beauty Pageants. Watching those girls strut around stage in a bathing suit and high heels... wondering which one would sing "Don't Rain On My Parade" for her talent... and watching them try not to act too depressed when they weren't named a finalist... it used to be great fun. But the pageants lost their magic for me over time. I can pinpoint the moment when it started to happen... it was when the Miss America pageant stopped announcing the runners up from the final 10. Back then, when they were about to announce the winner, there were still 6 girls standing there and it could've been any one of them. They finally took it down to a final five...and then had to go through the drama of narrowing it down to a final two and then VERY SLOWLY making their final announcement of the winner. I always felt sorry for the two finalists as they stood there... undoubtedly with pee running down their legs.

Anyway, I digress...

Awards are different. I love movies to begin with, so it's no big stretch to go out and see one. And I'm not one of those people who runs out to see the latest movie packed with computer graphics either. I'd be at an English period piece long before I'd be at "Transformers" or something similar. The Oscars are just the icing on the cake of the "movie season", just like the Superbowl is to football. They announce the Oscar nominees on February 2 and I'm already looking forward to it... and then will do a final push to see as many movies as the tell me to.

And yes, I'd probably jump off a bridge too.

My old friend Dan and his wife Julie came to visit me the other day. It was no small feat on their part. They had arrived in Miami on Friday morning and then drove up to our place and spent Friday night with us. They then turned around on Saturday morning and drove all the way back down to Key West... only to stay there one night and drive back to Miami on Sunday so they could fly home. They drove a huge distance to spend a mere few hours of awake time with us, and it was really good to see them.

The odd thing about old friends is this... the friends we have as children are not really chosen on a basis of how our personalities meld... they're more situational. If you live close to me and you're convenient, then great! Let's be friends.

Dan and I became friends right around the time we started Junior High. It was during my horribly failed Cub Scout fiasco. I had wanted to be a Cub Scout because I liked their uniforms, and I was there about a year before the differences I was experiencing from the other boys really made it a painful experience. One day, one of the other boys in my troop told me that "the pack didn't want me anymore". It was painful to hear, and yet it was also a relief. All they wanted to do was play touch football and I had no idea how to play and no desire to learn. The one good thing that came out of Cub Scouts was that Dan was also in the troop and while be didn't become friends then we did soon after. Several years after I left Cub Scouts, I was at a little league game watching my brother play when I ran into Dan in the small bleachers. We started talking and before long we were best friends.

Our friendship, as well as the friendships with other childhood friends, was based on fun times together... growing up together... and the kinship we felt within our small group. It was during the summer of 1974, between our Sophomore and Junior years in high school, that Dan and his family moved to Duluth, as his dad got a new job there. I was devastated. I remember walking around that first half of Junior year in a real funk. Only next spring, after being pulled into the warming blanket that was Drama club did the funk finally start to end.

40 years later, Dan and I are still friends. And the funny thing is, he's not someone I would choose as a friend for myself as an adult. I really don't think that any of my old friends are. Our differences are pretty apparent and our lifestyles are worlds apart. The one thing that binds us together are our shared experiences and memories... but that seems to be enough.

Please... I beg you. If you child is not musically gifted, try to direct their talents elsewhere, and do it as early as possible. Do NOT wait until that child is humiliated on national TV trying out for American Idol and then cries to the judges that "everybody at home thinks I'm great!".

You'll be doing your kids a HUGE favor... trust me.

Last night as I was getting dinner ready, I was flipping through the channels and came on the last 45 minutes of Steel Magnolias. Within 15 minutes I was sobbing like a little kid... which is pretty much what happens every time I watch this movie. I know what it is... Shelby dying reminds me of my mom dying of cancer. Mom didn't die quite as glamourously as Shelby did, but the funeral part is very much the same.

I guess that it's not the fact that Shelby died that made me cry, it was equating me to my own experience and bringing up those memories and feelings all over again. And the funny thing was, I knew this would happen the minute I stumbled upon the movie. I knew that the end result was going to be tears and I watched it anyway.

I think that a good cathartic cry every once in awhile is healthy. Usually when I need a catharsis, I plug "Sense and Sensibility" into the DVD player and lose a quart of fluids through my eyes. Happening upon Steel Magnolias last night took away my choice about when to have a good cry, but as soon as I saw it was on I let myself get drawn in.

A real man would've kept flipping channels until he came across "American Chopper".

This is what Michael, the host, says about "Little Miss Perfect"... the child beauty pageant show on WE TV.

"For some, it's a hobby. For others, it's a way to get close! For me, it's a calling. What's it to you?"

Very disturbing, Michael. Very, very disturbing....

For some unknown reason, New Years is my favorite holiday of the year. I'm not quite sure why, as it only signifies the passing of time and our march to the tomb, so to speak... but it also speaks to me of renewal and new beginnings. My favorite holiday song is "What Are You Doing New Years Eve".

I picture my life on December 31 as an Etch-A-Sketch, all filled up. At midnight I can turn it upside down, shake it, and start all over again.
Tonight is even more special because it's not just the end of a year, but it's the end of a decade as well. A lot has happened to me and the world in the last 10 years... and who knows what the next 10 will bring... but no matter what, I always start it off with an optimistic attitude. Then January 2nd rolls around and I get realistic.

My main goal for this year is to lose weight... KEEP IT OFF... and get in better shape. To stay youthful, I have to act youthful... and I haven't been living up to that lately.

And please.... as we close out these last few hours of this decade... can someone please tell me what to call it when we refer back to it?
The 2000's? The 0's? The "aughts"? What? Tell me!

Happy New Year!

I'm just now starting to feel the pangs of guilt for not having sent out any Christmas cards. Each day as more and more cards appear in my mailbox, the guilt-o-meter rises higher and higher.

That's what I hate about Christmas. It is a great source of stress and guilt. Each year I find myself looking forward to December 26 more and more.
And each year I promise myself that I'm going to sit my lazy ass down and do Christmas cards several weeks before Christmas so I don't have to put up with the guilt... but it's too late for this year.

Dammit

Hey wait! A new decade is right around the corner! Maybe I'll send out New Year's cards! There's still time! ..... oh, who am I kidding?

I remember when I was a kid and I used to get so excited when the Christmas catalogs would come. I'd spend hours poring over the toy section and looking for all the things I wanted. There was never I time when I couldn't come up with a list of at least 10 things I simply could not live without.

This year I've been asked what I want for Christmas and I literally cannot think of a single thing I really need or want. I suppose I should consider myself very fortunate. In a tough economic year, we're still doing pretty well, and I obviously want for nothing. At this stage in my life, I start to think of that song: "Grown Up Christmas List"... because this really does reflect what I want my Christmas to be like. So... in that vein, here's what I really want this year:
1. A few really good friends who live closeby. I really feel a disconnect in that I have nobody I can call to hang out with...
2. Good health... and a part of that starts with me... I really need to take better care of myself.
3. World peace... and I'm not even a Miss America contestant.

See? I don't need much!

PLEASE! Enough news coverage about Tiger Woods already! Please report on something which is actually important! We have got to be the second most gossip hungry nation on earth! Sorry America, but we've got a long way to go to top the British.

I know that the coverage of the war in Afghanistan isn't nearly as juicy, but trust me... it's MUCH MORE RELEVANT to your lives!

Maybe what we need to do is combine gossip with actual news.... the stories may go something like this:

"After several discussions with top military officials, President Obama declared today that the surge in Afghanistan is working... but that same surge was seen leaving the home of a married professional athlete at 2:00am on Tuesday morning."

or

"The World Climate Consortium being held in Copenhagen has made all world leaders aware of the growing problem of carbon dioxide emissions and their contribution to global warming. These same emissions, however, made sexually explicit dance moves on the American Music awards and have now been banned from ABC."

Anything would be an improvement.

I was watching a tv show the other day about how they're trying to prove the existance of a parallel universe. While it bothers me to think that I might exist in a dimension besides this one... beyond thinking about the fact that I'd be spending twice as much on toilet paper... I can't help but wonder what a paralled universe might be like. Here are some things that I think are true of this "alternative" universe:
1. Any food which tastes good is also good for you
2. Vigorous exercise is discouraged
3. There is no crime
4. Chris Rock is actually funny
5. The Miss America pageant is broadcast on network tv and still includes the talent competition
6. They've discovered the cause and cure for male pattern baldness
7. People grow more desirable and sexy with age
8. Insects don't exist, and the ecosystem is just fine without them

You get the idea. And if I can prove that even one of the above facts is true... then to quote the very funny Tina Fey... "I want to go to there".

It amazes me how acute Tico's sense of smell is. When I'm out walking him, his nose literally hones in on a pile of another dog's poop and he rushes right up to it and sticks his nose in.

Personally, I think that another dog's poop is to Tico is like what poppers are to people. They just take in a good whiff and "oh yeah... that's the stuff". When it comes to another dog's pee... he can hone in on that too, and then has to add a few drops of his own on top of it. I think that he thinks that his few drops will totally drown out the smell of the other dog. And who knows... maybe they do. Me? I don't smell a darned thing.

The way that Tico smells so much of what's around him really makes me wonder just how full of pee and poop the ground I walk upon is. I'm considering buying stilts.

My brother recently started selling packages to be able to heat your homes water with solar power. He didn't even have to sell me. As soon as he started telling me about it, I said "sign me up". I didn't even think about how much it cost or how much I'll save.

Luckily, the government is helping, as there's a 30% rebate of the entire cost right upfront. Plus, I'm told that my electric bills will be reduced every month by a factor of about 30%. This will remain to be seen. With my luck, my electric bills will actually go up every month.

So, last Tuesday, some beefy,burly men (and one tiny one) came to my house and installed two large solar panels on my roof and a new solar hot water heater in my garage... plus a solar powered attic fan to boot. They needed the tiny guy to wind his way through the attic of my house, which is not an easy feat.

I'm now greener! If I could turn other areas of my home into solar powered, I would... and maybe one day I'll be able to. And, despite the fact that we've had several cloudy days since the install, I still have hot water. Sometimes, you just gotta do it because it's right.

Once again I'm dumbstruck about the backwardness of our society. Recently, Adam Lambert performed his new song on the American Music Awards and during his routine he put in a few movements of a sexual nature, which, once again, caused Joe Q. Public to issue forth a call to arms. Nothing riles up the American public faster than anything sexual or perceived sexual, or anything which might display a part of the human body.

I just can't help but shake my head every time I see a body region, like the slightest hint of a butt crack, blurred out on tv. On "The Amazing Race", they routinely will blur out anything which might give a hint of a private part, even though it's covered, as the contestants do their challenges. The people in Europe and Asia are just laughing at us. We must continue to instill in OUR children the shame of the human form, while in Europe, they're traipsing naked all over their public beaches and nobody seems to care.

I fully believe that if we had control over time and space and could bring back one of the original pilgrims from the year 1620, he'd probably spent a fair time observing how things are... and then politely tell us that we just have to lighten up a little.

If only we were blurring out scenes of death and killing on tv... but then there wouldn't be much in focus to watch, now would there?

When I think of the danish, the following lyric comes to mind (from "Iowa Stubborn", a classic song in the classic musical "The Music Man"):

"we could stand touching noses for a week at a time and never see eye to eye".

There's a certain reserve in these folks which I've found hard to crack. Once you do, they open up quite nicely, but boy... it sure has been work getting some of them to crack!

I finished my assignment here today. When I left my hotel this morning, I noticed something very rare... THE SUN. It had actually decided to come out today and I couldn't have been happier. I knew that today was going to be a short day onsite and that I'd have the afternoon for being a tourist again.
So, once I left Herlev, I bummed around Christianshavn for awhile before heading over to Tivoli to see the Christmas decorations. I hung around there until after dark and headed back to my hotel. I decided to eat at "Sahil", the Indian restaurant just at the corner for the second time... the food there is fantastic.

My work engagement went rather well, I thought... it was really great seeing how another country approaches health care... and, as in Canada, there is none of the issues dealing with reimbursement and patient billing here. Why can't it be like that in the US???

So tomorrow I fly home. And I'm ready. I miss my kids and David and sleeping in a large bed! This tiny bed will not be missed! It's been a great opportunity, though, and I'm glad I had the chance to come here.

Holy Crap... am I going to have a lot of Tivo to catch up on!

There are several movies that have, what I call, ultra whiny bitches in them. Here are my favorite film whiners of all time... in reverse order:

3. Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone With The Wind"...
yes it's one of the greatest movies ever made, but from the very first scene (War, war, war, this talk of war has spoiled every party this spring) to the last (wherever shall I go? Whatever shall I do?) Scarlett whines her way through the entire thing. I am listing her first because, as whiners go, she was the ballsiest, and that's worth something.


2. Wendy Torrance in "The Shining"...
Oh my God... Shelly Duvall is the epitomy of a great whiner in this movie. I was ready to take that ax to her by the end!



1. Alice Tripp in "A Place in The Sun"...
Shelley Winters was great playing the frumpy, whiny Alice.... so much so that I would've pushed her out of that boat myself, pregnant or not. You could just see the angst in Montgomery Clift's face as he wonders how in the hell he's going to get out of his association with her... and then lady luck appears in the form of a rowboat. She is my favorite film whiner of all time.



Now that I have the whine I just need a nice cheese to go with it.

I'm sitting at a tiny desk as I write this... in my tiny room at the Hotel Maritime in Copenhagen. It sure was a long trip getting here! My flight from Memphis to Amsterday was 2 1/2 hours delayed which meant that once I got to Amsterdam, my flight to Copenhagen had already left and I was rebooked on a later flight. I usually always adjust very quickly to the time change when I come to Europe, so I'm already pretty well adjusted.

I spent this morning being an "on foot" tourist. It's cloudy and cold and there was even a bit of misting as I shlepped all over the central city. Tivoli Gardens is closed, but they are opening up for the Christmas season on Friday, so maybe I'll get to see the lights after all.

I start my "job" portion of this trip tomorrow... and basically will not see the sunlight the rest of my time here. I'm anxious and yet nervous... anxious to see how things operate in a European hospital and nervous that I won't be able to share anything new with them.

In any event, I have vowed not to be a captive of this tiny room, so regardless of how cloudy and icky it is outside, I resolve to be out there seeing and doing stuff. I might as well enjoy the experience! Who knows if I'll ever get here again!

Buy me a "Snuggie" and you'll die. It's that simple.

I'm finding it funny how vampires have become a fashion/cultural hit right now. I do want to remind everyone that for some reason, "vampire fever" is cyclical. While today's focus on vampires is strongly sexual, back in MY day, it was more fear driven.

This takes me back to about 1968-1969 when I was just a grade schooler. We'd race home from school in order to be seated in front of the TV when "Dark Shadows" came on. "Dark Shadows" not only had vampires, it also had werewolves, ghosts, and sets that were so flimsy that they swayed like sheets drying on the clothesline. There were interesting characters like Barnabas Collins and Quentin Collins and Angelique. All of them instilled a sense of fear and awe in me. There was also Dr. Julia Hoffman, who, every time she screamed, sounded like a man and to this day I'm not convinced that the actress who played her (the late Grayson Hall) wasn't one. I didn't care. I loved it all. I loved being afraid of it all.

I still remember going to bed as a kid and making sure that my covers were pulled up to mid-face level so that the vampires who would come into my room during the night wouldn't see an exposed neck (apparently I thought that a vampire wouldn't have the common sense to simply pull down the covers).

I'm sure that today's younger vampire aficionados will arrive at their own imprint from their experiences watching the Vampire offerings available now. What will come next, 40 years from now, will remain to be seen.

I have to admit, I had originally planned this huge long narrative about the experience of having my appendix out last week. But, the more time that passes and the better I feel, it no longer seems like such a drama. But, I can boil it down to a few things...
1. I can't believe how awful I felt by the time they actually took me into the ER on Tuesday night. I also can't believe how awful I felt from the medication they gave me once I got there. I spent all evening throwing up an ugly "green tea" liquid. Even Linda Blair, if she were to have seen the amount I spewed, would've said "Holy Crap!". Tuesday night in the surgery holding room was easily one of the worse nights of my life. I was so sick, sore, and restless. I stared at the clock all night... and when I finally did doze for a few moments, the sleep was full of dreams which made no sense. Horrible, horrible night.
2. There is no sense to being modest in a hospital. I laugh now when I think about how I tried to keep myself covered as I got onto the OR table Wednesday morning, only to wake up from surgery completely shaved... stomach and pubes. I'm wondering if an itemized item called "bikini wax" will appear on my hospital bill. Since one of my incisions is located just above the base of my wang... I obviously lay there completely exposed for the whole thing.
3. I'm also a bit peeved at the call I got on Thursday in which a woman from the hospital billing department wanted to know how I was going to pay for my deductible AND my 10% of the surgery and could she get a credit card number NOW? Are you kidding me? Is this what we've come to?
4. NPO... which means "nothing by mouth".... somehow this was ordered for me and I have a feeling it's due to the "green tea spew" episodes of Tuesday evening. They basically have me nothing until Thursday...even a glass of water, despite my protests that I was now feeling sorta ok. Well... let's look on the bright side... maybe I lost a pound.
5. BP.... They had a hard time keeping my blood pressure down while I was here too... one time it was 156/116. Nothing elicits a look of "Holy Shit!" from a nurse faster than a ticking bomb level blood pressure.
6. Aftermath... I went home Friday afternoon, still sore. My first two nights at home were a bit shaky too, but I'm sleeping better now as the pain subsides more and more. I do not look forward to my next foray into surgery either.... it's awful, painful, and you just can't describe the smells. I'm thankful that I'm feeling better and I guess that's the good thing! I'm also thankful that I only had one appendix, so I don't have to go through this again!

Ever since joining Facebook, I've been wanting to post some old pictures so that my newfound old friends could enjoy them too. My mind has been fixated on my kindergarten picture which has my whole class in it. Mrs. Lindeman, my teacher, in standing on the left... or is she on the right? No matter... in my mind I can picture almost every freshly scrubbed kid in that picture.

Here's the problem... I can't find it. The atoms which comprise this picture are all joined together and occupying time and space SOMEWHERE. I just cannot, for the life of me, find out where this "somewhere" is.

When I moved to Florida in 2003, much of my memorabilia type stuff all went unceremoniously into storage boxes. This past Sunday I opened and pored through them all in a vain attempt to find this one picture. Later that same day I opened each box again just in case I didn't look good enough the first time. And yet again last night... I opened each box a THIRD TIME and went through each item without success. This must mean that the picture is somewhere in my house, but where???

I know what'll happen. I'll forget all about this picture and then some day, when I'm doing something completely different, I'll open up a folder or photo album and there it'll be. This, my friends, is why I want to get every photograph I own in digital form. That way, I'll lose the "file" of the picture, and not the damn picture itself.

If anyone out there does happen to have the photo of Mrs. Lindeman's morning 1963-1964 kindergarten class of the Silver Creek Elementary School, Harvey, Michigan,... please let me know!

On a side note, I'd like to take the opportunity to wish my dear friend Topper a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I miss him a lot... but true friendship knows no bounds of distance. Have a good one, Topper!

December 2009 Followup

My old and dear friend Mary posted our kintergarden picture on Facebook several weeks ago. Here it is! I'm standing on the left.

Holy Crap... This is the best season for TV in a long, long time. Usually I sift through all the shows offered, select my token 1 or 2 shows and that's it. But this year? The hard drive on my TiVo is groaning from the weight of all the extra electrons imparted upon it this year as I have shows recording constantly.
Here's my current list...
1. Survivor... what can I say, I've been watching it since the first season.... and ever since that first season I wonder the same thing... where do they poop?
2. The Amazing Race... one day I'll be on this show... and I don't care if I'm coming out of a nursing home in order to do it.
3. Top Chef... sure, the gay constestants have all been eliminated... and really, how can I be so hung up on a show that's all about teasing us by showing us the delicious food we'll never get a chance to taste? But, I love it anyway... maybe it's that yummy Tom Colicchio. Woof!
4. Project Runway... despite the jump from Bravo, I'm still loving this show. This season has a talented yet bitchy contestant, who I'm rooting for, yet don't like. How odd is that?
5. Ugly Betty... she had a few bumpy episodes to start the season, but this past Fridays put her back in her stride. God, I love the biting writing on this show!
6. Flash Forward... oddly enough, I rarely tune in to hour long dramas, but this one is intriguing. I'm hoping it doesn't deviate into a "Lost" sort of fragmented plotline... but this is one show where, even if they were to introduce aliens, it could still work.
7. Modern Family... this show is hilarious! I've been catching up with all the episodes on abc.com and as a comedy, this show really shines and has a great cast.
8. Mad Men... I'm several episodes behind on this one, but I'm trying to catch up! I love this show because it takes place at a time when I was actually a very young child... it's almost as if I should be able to remember this stuff!
9. Nurse Jackie, Weeds, The United States of Tara... while their seasons have finished, I'm loving all of these Showtime shows.
10. Community... I've only had the chance to see 2 episodes because it's on at the same time as both Survivor and Flash Forward. Geesh... who'd think that all three networks would have a show on I actually want to watch at the exact same time!
11. The New Adventures of Old Christine... you simply cannot not love a show with Wanda Sykes. And, to be fair, Julia Louis Dreyfus has hit her mark on this one.
12. 30 Rock... I didn't get into this one until last season, but it's a keeper!
13. The Biggest Loser... holy cow, I bawled like a baby during last weeks episode. This show is predictable, yet inspiring... and for that reason, I love it.
and finally...
14. Glee.... what can I say? The name says it all.

Now... you can see why my TiVo disc is always so full, and I'm always so far behind in watching. I'm encouraged by the bounty of shows available this season... and now... perhaps I need a life?

Today is the 10th anniversary of my neck surgery. Yes.... dates stick in my head and there's nothing I can do about it. It does amaze me because I can forget why I walked into one room from another yet I can remember what happened to me 10 years ago. I do think, from time to time, that the movie "Rainman" was based on me.

Anyway, thinking back on the experience, a few things about my hospital experience stand out...

1. In the pre-op room, before I went in to surgery, I was kidding with one of the nurses.
"I'll probably be one of those patients who wakes up mid-surgery unable to let them know I'm in intense pain", I told her.

She laughed along with me about it and I thought that was it... until a few minutes later when an anesthesiologist with a very serious look on his face came rushing up to my bed...
"I hear you're having anxiety about waking during surgery", he said.
"Oh gosh", I said, "I'm really not... it just came out in conversation".

The result of this was that he asked me if I'd like a touch of something to relax me before I was wheeled into the OR. Now I've been in the OR hundreds of times and in most cases the patient is wide awake as they're wheeled in and are put out after they get onto the OR table. Not me... he gave an injection into my IV and the "relaxation" I got was that I was out cold in mere seconds and didn't regain consciousness until after surgery was over..... when I awoke puking my guts out. Apparently just mentioning the possibility of waking during surgery got me an extra dose of anesthesia.

2. The roommate.... I had thought I'd have a private room. I was an employee of the hospital after all. But, no such luck. Not long after I was brought up to my room, an old man was wheeled into the bed next to mine. The next day, my friends Jay, Dan, Steve and Steve came to visit me in my room... and I'm sure we cackled and gabbed a bit. The next day, however, as I lay awake in my bed, the daughter-in-law of the man in the bed next to me was on the phone... speaking in a hushed tone... to whom she was talking, I have no idea...
"I think we need another room for dad... I'm concerned... last night there was a group of homosexuals in here visiting the man in the next bed".

While I wanted to tell her that "Hey... I'm right here. I can hear every word!", or that her father-in-law was really in no danger, I didn't. I sucked it up. They never did move dad out. I would love to have found out later that he had started cross dressing after he got home.

3. The Pain... Holy shit did my incision hurt! And not the incision on my neck either. That one was fine... it was the one on my iliac crest that was killing me. They cut in there to take out the bone sliver that they used in my neck. They had given me a morpine pump and I remember that no matter how hard I pumped that darn thing the pain level did not change at all.

4. The aftermath.... I had to stay home for 4 weeks after the operation and I came out of it with a new mission. I had to kill whoever was in charge of daytime tv programming. Holy crap, there is NOTHING on tv at all during the day! I did tune in to "The Young and the Restless" from time to time and found out that not much had changed since I used to watch it when I was in high school....even Mrs. Chancellor's face had not changed... but other than that, I was bored stiff.

I remember when I booked my operation that it wasn't a good idea to do it so close to the turn of the year 2000... because if I died on the table, I'd miss out on that. But I went ahead with it anyway... and have regretted it ever since. My neck is still a piece of crap that I'd love to turn in for a new model.

I've always liked the mountains... and I've always liked the water. So when we had to make a decision about where to use up that extra timeshare week that expired at the end of the year, Lake Tahoe seemed like a great choice. I booked us in October because I'd also hoped to get a taste of fall, which I sorely miss living in Florida. A few of our trip highlights:

1. Driving around Tahoe. To simulate driving in the Tahoe area, simply do the following; place your hands in front of you on an imaginary steering wheel at the ten and two o'clock positions. Pretend you're steering very hard to the right... and then immediately pretend you're steering hard to the left. Repeat 1000 times.

2. Fun things to do. Easy... we did the most campy thing there.... we saw the drag show at the Horizon Casino, and it was a hoot. We thought we'd hidden ourselves far enough in the back of the showroom, but Gypsy eventually saw us... and from that moment on we were a part of the show.
http://www.horizoncasino.com/entertainment/golden_cabaret.php

We also did the "round the lake drive", which was gorgeous. 72 miles of forest and lake with a nice blue sky. All of the Aspens were yellow so I did get my taste of fall.

Our friends, Vince and Craig, had joined us from Oakland for the first 3 days we were there and we had some great food and drink while they were with us.

3. Yosemite. I'm not sure how to describe our trip to Yosemite without is sounding long and tedious... but it WAS long and tedious, so here goes...
Knowing that it'd take us 3 hours to go each way, I resolved to leave our hotel at 9am. I planned to be to the park by noon and head back around 3 or 4. When you leave South Lake Tahoe, you go east to highway 395, take it 88 miles and then take the Tioga Pass for another 55 miles into Yosemite. We were well on our way down 395 when David noticed a sign saying that the Tioga Pass was CLOSED.
"Closed?", I asked, "are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what the sign said", David replied.

Not knowing what to do, and since neither of us had any cell phone coverage to call to find out for sure, we stopped at a cafe along the side of the highway.
"Yup, the Tioga's closed", a nice man in the cafe told me. Moments later, a young woman came out of the back and echoed him:
"Yeah, Tioga's closed".

"What do we do?" I asked... knowing that there was no other way to get to Yosemite.
"Well", the guy started..."you can drive about 18 more miles, and then take highway 108... the Sonora Pass west, and come into Yosemite from the other side of the mountain"

Knowing that this was at least 100 miles out of our way... I gulped hard, and decided to go for it. We turned onto the Sonora Pass and discovered it was 82 miles long... and driving it? See number 1 above.

About 10 miles into the pass, David was mentally DONE with it all and started to shut down, which of course got me upset. Ultimately we had words, finally each said "I'm sorry" and decided to keep going. I shall hereafter call the Sonora Pass, "the relationship tester highway".

We finally got through the pass and took the long way around to Yosemite... arriving at the park just before 3pm... the time I had hoped to start heading home. My biggest fear was that we'd be driving back on a mountain pass road after dark. The ultimate joke on us, however, came just as we were arriving at the park. We turned on the radio to the Yosemite traffic station which cheerfully told us that the Tioga pass was OPEN... which meant we didn't have to do that damned Sonora Pass after all. There will be a day in the distant future when I will see the humor in this!

But the park was gorgeous and we both decided we'd like to go back some day and stay overnight in the nice hotel in the park.... and who knows... we might do just that.

4. Reno. I'll quote the late, great, Bette Davis when I give my opinion of Reno...
"What a dump!". There's a big sign over Virginia Street as you're coming into town which says
"Reno, the Biggest Little City in the World". You apparently can't read the fine print, which at the very bottom of the sign surely adds "and the town most closely resembling a land fill in America".

Overall, our trip was great... and I'm glad I went. The next adventure is yet to be planned. Stay tuned!

You remember her for her memorable cameo as a crossing guard in season 2 of "The Facts of Life";
He made a name for himself in the 1984 baseball season as the only person in the Americal League to retire from an injury in the first inning of his very first game; She was an onscreen double to Emily Blunt in "The Devil Wears Prada"; he played the third husband in the Sears Price Challenge commercial of 1998; he was an alternate contestant who was never called to be on the show on the 4th season of Survivor; she rode on the same elevator as Missy Elliot in the Marriott Marquis in New York City last November......

This, to me, is starting to sound like what the casts for "Dancing With The Stars" is resembling.
Am I wrong?

The moment I first met Dorene I instantly knew where her daughter, my good friend Gretchen, got her zest for living. Gretchen herself grabbed life by the horns and didn't stop at anything to have a good time. Dorene was the same way... and she was often swept up in the adventures of her children and lived her life to the fullest.

For me, Dorene was the mother-in-law I never had. She quickly became a part of my extended family and I truly felt like a part of hers. My memories of things we've done together will keep me sated for the rest of my life, with only one complaint.... I wish there had been more.
I'll always remember sipping wine at Ravinia, gathering at the Commune (her condo), the year 2000 New Years Eve party extraordinaire, many great meals at Loco's, and our trip to New Orleans together in the fall of 2007.

The New Orleans trip was poignant because, immediately after it, Dorene's life path veered very sharply from what it had been. She had been recently diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer which had already metastasized to her spine and other bones. We all knew that her days were ultimately numbered. It did not, however, keep us from having a great time..... and I still remember (although vaguely after 2 Hurricanes) singing at the top of our lungs at Pat O'Brien's and laughing ourselves silly.

Dorene lost her battle this past week, October 6, with Gretchen at her side. Up until a few days before she died and even with her deteriorating condition, she, and her family.... lived.

I truly believe that when someone dies their energy simply goes somewhere else to take on another form, and the life force that Dorene had was simply too great to be extinguished when her body gave out. I'll take comfort in knowing that maybe, when I'm sipping a really good glass of wine, she might be right there with me.






Dorene, Gretchen, Me, and David at Pat O'Brien's, October 2007. A great memory

I'm about to tell you three stories from when I was younger. I'm putting these in writing because I don't want the experiences to be lost if I should walk in front of a bus tomorrow. All of these stories involve supernatural experiences I have had and I almost feel as though I should be shining a flashlight under my chin as I write them down... proceed at your own peril....

Story 1.

When I was a kid I used to sometimes spend the night at my grandparent's house in Negaunee, MI. They had an old house and all of the bedrooms were upstairs. The layout to the house was a bit odd too. When you went up the stairs there was a bedroom immediately at the top of the stairway. If you turned right at the top of the stairs there was a second bedroom. But that was not all... if you went into this second bedroom and turned right again, there was a doorway to yet another bedroom. This second bedroom actually had to be passed through to get to the third bedroom and the bathroom adjacent to it. As kids, if we spent the night, we slept in this second bedroom. Next to the doorway leading into the third bedroom was an oval frame on the wall in which there was a picture of Grandma's father, my great grandfather. He had died very young in a mine accident and this picture was meant to be a memorial picture of him. In this picture, he has very glaring eyes and they would stare straight at you.... and through you no matter where you were as you looked at it. To this day this picture unnerves me. Today I own this picture and it's nicely packed in a box in my garage, where it will stay.

One night, when I was about 8 years old, I was spending the night at grandma and grandpa's house. I was in the bed in the second bedroom and the position of the bed was such that as you lay there, you stared at the doorway to the third bedroom and great grandpa's picture next to the doorway. I could hear the muffled sounds of the TV coming from downstairs as grandma and grandpa were still up.
I was always a bit nervous in that bedroom and I wasn't quite sure why. Suddenly, as I stared into the blackness beyond the doorway to the third bedroom, I heard a mans voice very slowly and distinctly say "pass the time away" in a tone just as you'd imagine a male ghost saying those words. The voice came from just beyond the doorway into the third bedroom. I remember my feeling of immediate terror and before I could think about what I was doing I bound out of bed and raced downstairs to tell my grandparents, who were both convinced that I had been dreaming. To this day I don't know the significance of the sentence I heard, or who or what had uttered it. I do know that I wasn't dreaming it, and I try to find value in these words as I grow into an older adult. Anyone? Any ideas?

Story 2.

One day, when I was about 11, I was in the living room of our house on Lakewood Lane in Marquette, MI. It was a bright summer day and I'm not sure why I was inside when it was so nice out. I do remember staring out of the front window when something ahead in the sky caught my eye. As I took a closer look, I found that I was looking at a long, tubular shaped object which was slowly moving across the sky over the top of our house. It was about 1/2 mile over us. In my mind it looked like the 2nd stage to a rocket.... cylindrical, metallic, and long. Since those were the days of the Apollo space missions, I actually thought that it might be a rocket stage that somehow was drifting overhead..... totally ignorant to the laws of gravity it would have broken if it were.

Anyway, this object slowly drifted over the top of the house to the point where I could no longer see it from the front picture window so I ran to the back of the house to watch it pass over the other side. I waited and waited... and the object never reappeared.

To this day I wonder what I saw... and where it went. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Story 3.

I went through an occult phase when I was a teenager. One of my favorite occult subjects was the possibility of out-of-body experiences and I had read and reread Robert Monroe's book "Journey's Out of The Body". In the book, he detailed the technique he used to arrive at a state where he could achieve these experiences, which he chronicled in great detail. The book explains how to arrive at a "vibratory" state in which it feels as though there is electricity flowing through your body, and gave directions to achieve this state.

I tried over and over to achieve this "vibratory" state and never got there.

However one day when I was about 16, mom had woken me up for school and instead of getting right out of bed, I lay back down and almost feel asleep again. As I lay there, barely conscious, I suddenly became aware that my body was starting to experience the sense of vibration as the book described. I mentally honed in on it and nurtured it almost as you would a fire that you were trying to keep from dying out. This feeling grew and grew and suddenly, even though I knew I was laying perfectly still, the electronic static and vibrations were coursing through my body. I slowly started to get up out of bed, still vibrating and moved halfway across my bedroom. I could see the light in the hallway beyond my bedroom and I could hear my mom out in the kitchen making breakfast. For some reason I turned back towards the bed and I could barely see a figure lying there. The moment I realized that this was me lying in the bed, I had a quick sense of tugging backwards and a second later I opened my eyes in bed... the last of the vibratory feelings leaving my body.

To this day I have been unable to replicate this experience.... and it hasn't been for lack of trying. And I still have Robert Monroe's book which I'll reread from time to time. This isn't necessarily a scary story, but an interesting one... and I hope that one day there'll be a chapter 2!